Railways are in the news

Railways are the big topic at present, unhappily. I offer my contribution to the discussion in the form of the following sketch in the format of a Carry On film, which I find appropriate. If you like it, you might like an older sketch, Carry On Prime Minister.

Railways in crisis: a sketch: Carry on up the Junction

PM (Sid James): Cor blimey! Why’s everyone blaming us for this rail strike? Anyone’d think we was on strike. I’ll tell you what – they’d know about it if we were!

Mrs PM (Babs Windsor): You’d know about it if I went on strike.

PM: Don’t! Don’t even joke about it, what with all the pressure I’m under. Anyway, who is to blame for this strike?

Minister of Transport (Kenneth Connor): What you looking at me for? I dunno nuffing about transport!

Jacob R Smog (Kenneth Williams): These. people are just being selfish. They’ve no thought for the rest of the country.

PM: I can’t stand selfish people. Who do they think they are? After all we done to look after ’em during Lockdown. I reckon they must be a load of Marxists, allus demanding more money.

Jacob: I think it’s a conspiracy so people can justify working from home – the idle shirkers.

M of T: At least the airline workers aren’t like that. They just left during Lockdown and haven’t come back, especially the foreigners.

PM: Typical! They all come over here taking our people’s jobs and just when you need them they’ve all cleared off. That reminds me – those negotiators are pretty useless. Remember how I got us such good Brexit deal? I let ’em know all along I was gonna walk away if they didn’t gimme everything I wanted. And look what a great deal they give us! If only these railway blokes would take a leaf out of my book.

M o T: That’s right – Oh! I just had a message from the DUP saying the trouble is people being intransigent, not listening to each other. They need to look for a sensible compromise. That’s the way they get things done.

Mrs PM: Yeah. ’Ave you seen this one from Nicola Sturgeon? She says if Scotland was independent they wouldn’t get into this kinda mess. They’d have regular services everywhere from John O’ Groats to the border, no worries. Of course, they wouldn’t run trains beyond the border, she says no Scot would wanna come south of the border anyway.


PM: I reckon the trouble is these railway fellas are living in the past. Unions trying to run the country, ludicrous demands, defending outdated traditions. It’s time they caught up with the rest of us. The workers have got to know their place.

Jacob: I agree. But why all this fuss about railways? If you can’t get a train to wherever you want to go, why not go by car? It’s quicker and more comfortable. I like to stretch out on the back seat and let my chauffeur take care of the driving.

A ruined castle. Where some aristocrats lived in the past.

Where some aristocrats lived in the past.